SUMMER TRENDS part ZWEI

Again, vandalized British Tabloids show us the trends of the summer.



The "Glenn from Lodi" look.
Time to get that cutesy little red jumpsuit, devil-lock and the motherfucking Crimson Ghost make-up. This look will require you to go to the gym and tone up. Speaking of tones, it won't hurt if you practice singing in a deep baritone voice. If you happen to be a man then buy a jock strap 3 sizes smaller than your goulies. NJ transit colour themed underwear also adds a lot of attitude. It's also quite important to sleep in a coffin if possible and remember to avoid Jerry Only for he will try to get some royalties off anything and I mean ANYTHING.

SUGGESTED SOUNTRACK: "Fire" by Bruce Springsteen




The "Poca-Hooker" look
A cute little outfit for the insensitive bimbo and/or douchebag, lacking any sort of historical concept, the Poca-Hooker reflects your inner light. The nice overall is sweat-shop free and the native American accessories should be authentic. The feather is not a must but if you decide to go for it then get a feather off a duster, don't go on trying to hurt any birds out there you piece of shit. And yes, the bush will not be trimmed for a few weeks.

SUGGESTED SOUNDTRACK: "Kings of the wild frontier" by Adam and the Ants



The "Goro" look
You can never go wrong with the Mortal Kombat classic look. Voted Hottest Gaming Hunk of 1993, the Goro look remains a classic above shitbirds like Johhny Cage or Rayden.
You will need a second set of arms, so if you only have 2, well id recommend getting some clay ones or even plastic ones. How? I don't know. The hair-style is quite important to acquire the image so remember to tighten it up in a chavette manner. The jumpsuit should have a cute IKEA comforter pattern. Now go on and tear off some limbs. Flawless Victory!

SUGGESTED SOUNTRACK: "Runway Train" by Soul Asylum



The "Adolfo Benito" look
A classical look the obtuse minded with a modern twist.Forget them Fred perries, bomber jackets and braces(suspenders). That shit is the past again. The black shirts and brown shirts too. A flower patterned jumpsuit combined with the ever classic Hitler Hair do and muzzy will bring the modern fascist a needed fresh touch. Time to throw away those Dr.Martens combat boots and bring in some red heels to add a touch of class to your future beer putsch. Next time you start talking shit about immigration and liberals at least you won't be scolded for your appearance.

SUGGESTED SOUNDTRACK: "Backstreet Kids" by Skrewdriver

SUMMER TRENDS part ONE

A vandalized British Tabloid shows us the cutest outfit trends this summer.



the "I-MAN" look.
Time to grab that old Tuff Gong jacket and skin up. An animal pattern overall, though it looks like shit can be easily complemented with a nice Ethiopian hat and some intense black locks. If you are really feeling like shouting at Babylon a big fuck you then why not get yourself a nice long beard. Don't forget to chuck away your Bob Marley "Legend" before the guests arrive because it will make you look lame. Do it now!
The conquering Lion of Judah might be a but too much if you happen to be a white person. Don't push it.

SUGGESTED SOUNDTRACK: "10 COMMANDMENTS" by Max Romeo



the "BUSHWICK YENTL" look.
Now, if you are a gentrifying piece of shit (who isn't these days?)and has a thing for those cute hassidic boys or girls then why not suit up with a cute blue overall. If you add a beard and locks you might even be able to ride the bus with the boys. If you do get beat up by one of them though, you probably deserved it anyway.

SUGGESTED SOUNDTRACK: "A piece of Sky" by Barbara Streisand.



the "DIEGO DE LA VERGA" look
I'll never cease to remark how cute girls with Zorro masks look. But why limit it with a Halloween costume stigma when you can actually make it your official summer outfit when you go to the mall, the parasitologist or the Kebab shop?
A nice flower themed jumpsuit, complimented with a sexy belt and a smart "espada ancha" (that's the sword). Don't forget the mask and the sharpie-muzzy if you lack facial hair. Now, if you want to go out with a few friends in matching outfits you can always sharpie up a five o'clock shadow on your thicker friend to resemble Sergeant Garcia and simply tell the other one to never say a word like Bernardo.
Don't hesitate on tagging the whole city with a cheeky "Z".

SUGGESTED SOUNDTRACK: "Careless Whisper" by Wham!



the "SKAG TRENDY" look
Well well well. The heroin chic is a thing of the fuckin past, man. That shit is whack and posh. The new shit is to look like a proper smack head that wipes it's ass with a pack of tato crisps. The jumpsuit needs to be Fila. You can compliment with some Donnay trainers. A few Swansea footie tats never fail to look authentic, get 2 and do them yourself upside down. Now, the physique needs to drop quite a few pounds to be able to see your blue veins. I suggest looking constipated too. A nice baseball cap is a must and ALL of your gear needs to be purchased in the same block.

SUGGESTED SOUNDTRACK: "Bridge Over Troubled Water" by Simon and Garfunkel.

STOCKHOLMs UNDER!!

From the very sunny, or very dark (depending on the time of the year) Stockholm, comes this amazing site by the fabulous swedish artiste Laide, which features drawings about everything and nothing in particular. It's quite important to emphasise the unapologetic style of Laide, which is one of the greatest assets that an artist can have. Especially in these times where everyone seems to want to get along in everyone although they hate everyone secretly like little bitches.
Some posts are in English, some in Swedish, so get that Google Translate tool ready on a separate tab, or browser if that's how you chose to live your life.

I could go on for pages and pages rambling about how fuckin cool these illustrations because that's a bit poncey. Check em out! they are savage!!

www.laide.se

AWAYDAYS, the film like

Here, now, this movie was released last year, and fuck knows why I'm reviewing it now, but i fuckin am. Anyway, AWAYDAYS is based on brilliant, absolute genius book by the same name written by Kevin Sampson.

For all of us who were mad into the book, it was a quite gratifying surprise when it was officially announced that a film was gonna be made. I mean fuckin hell, it's one of the best fictional accounts of the late 70's and early 80's in Merseyside, written by someone who actually was there. The brands, the bands, the places, everything.
When the film finally came out, it was like "what the fuck, OK...i need to see this again and decide whether is a good attempt or it's the football thug version of Velvet Goldmine"...


The aesthetics of the film in my opinion where pretty much spot on. Impeccable. But the storyline it's completely twisted and turned. yeah, yeah yeah I know it's not exactly the easiest thing to do to adapt a book into 90 minutes or whatever the fuck but then again I'm sure I'm not the only one who has mixed feelings about this movie.
Now, the soundtrack of the film is pretty sound as well, and I recommend you to watch the film nonetheless.
Anyway I will be comparing it constantly to the book because it needs to be done.

The film is based mainly on Carty, a young middle-class lad who has a infatuation for mysterious cool, pretty boy Elvis who is everything Carty wants to be. Their first encounter is at the terraces of their local team Tranmere Rovers, where Elvis, a member of firm called "The Pack" is seen cutting some cunt with a Stanley knife.
Carty and Elvis finally bond at a scenester club were Carty seems to have some sort of pull. They share a romantic evening (quite touching if you are into romantic evening with your best mate) throwing stones and making a pact to go to Berlin to the sound of Ultravox! when they were cool.
Carty is very pleased and wants to be part of "The Pack", but Elvis reckons him a nice, soft boy. Eventually Elvis finally gives in and takes Carty to an away game where he bashes a few woolies and gets very hard.
Carty is slowly accepted in the Pack, except for Baby who is a fat little angry man (great hair though)who ends up stabbing their leader John.
Eventually Carty and Elvis fallout over some homoerotic argument constantly, and although they pick up some girls (well one and a half) on a bus and take them home, it's actually Carty who ends up getting all the poon.
After numerous ups and downs, Carty's sister gets attacked by a bunch of posh rugby palyers and eventually kick the shit out of Carty lar. Carty realizes he needs help from Elvis to get back at the rugby boys so he returns to him bruised up and ready to kiss and make up. Carty agrees to give him a hand and brings some mates to cause a bit of mayhem, which they...kinda...do. Afterwards Elvis leaves the scene crying and has a tender moment with Carty but disappears into the night (this of course without all the poetical beauty of the book).
They meet again at John's funeral and they make a pact to go to one last away game, which Elvis misses and ends up getting Carty slashed in the face with a Stanley by baby who calls him a ponce.




BOOK: Carty is not gay. At the most Carty has a normal straight man's homoerotic fascination with Elvis demeanor.
It's important to mention that the character of Carty himself is not the complete poncey eejit that he is portrayed to be in the movie. He is a sound cunt with a pretty harsh and realistic vision of things, including his social status and his attitudes.
The scene with the girls is supposed to have these two birds who are hot as fuckin balls, and the rugby player bashing is quite more violent than in the film.
Now, BUY THE BOOK because it's completely worth it.

Europe Away!

Welcome to the humble, sensible, well-mannered, yet immensely testosteroned, Terrace Fashionista. This is were we shall be discussing about different subjects that matter in the world today like fashion, casual culture, night-life, films, music, and politics occasionally, always from the standpoint of a proper lad and not always making sense. Right none the fuckin less, get me? Now, if you're the kind of person who dresses up for a costume party like Alex from the Clockwork Orange and can't live up to the roll (meaning you can't fight, do hard drugs, rape defenceless, and kill old ladies with phallic art pieces) then you will be offended and fuck off you massive shite. Anyway, if your still here standing your ground (in a very poetical sense you un-sensitive prick) then, again, wilkkomen.