A vandalized British Tabloid shows us the cutest outfit trends this summer.
the "I-MAN" look.
Time to grab that old Tuff Gong jacket and skin up. An animal pattern overall, though it looks like shit can be easily complemented with a nice Ethiopian hat and some intense black locks. If you are really feeling like shouting at Babylon a big fuck you then why not get yourself a nice long beard. Don't forget to chuck away your Bob Marley "Legend" before the guests arrive because it will make you look lame. Do it now!
The conquering Lion of Judah might be a but too much if you happen to be a white person. Don't push it.
SUGGESTED SOUNDTRACK: "10 COMMANDMENTS" by Max Romeo
the "BUSHWICK YENTL" look.
Now, if you are a gentrifying piece of shit (who isn't these days?)and has a thing for those cute hassidic boys or girls then why not suit up with a cute blue overall. If you add a beard and locks you might even be able to ride the bus with the boys. If you do get beat up by one of them though, you probably deserved it anyway.
SUGGESTED SOUNDTRACK: "A piece of Sky" by Barbara Streisand.
the "DIEGO DE LA VERGA" look
I'll never cease to remark how cute girls with Zorro masks look. But why limit it with a Halloween costume stigma when you can actually make it your official summer outfit when you go to the mall, the parasitologist or the Kebab shop?
A nice flower themed jumpsuit, complimented with a sexy belt and a smart "espada ancha" (that's the sword). Don't forget the mask and the sharpie-muzzy if you lack facial hair. Now, if you want to go out with a few friends in matching outfits you can always sharpie up a five o'clock shadow on your thicker friend to resemble Sergeant Garcia and simply tell the other one to never say a word like Bernardo.
Don't hesitate on tagging the whole city with a cheeky "Z".
SUGGESTED SOUNDTRACK: "Careless Whisper" by Wham!
the "SKAG TRENDY" look
Well well well. The heroin chic is a thing of the fuckin past, man. That shit is whack and posh. The new shit is to look like a proper smack head that wipes it's ass with a pack of tato crisps. The jumpsuit needs to be Fila. You can compliment with some Donnay trainers. A few Swansea footie tats never fail to look authentic, get 2 and do them yourself upside down. Now, the physique needs to drop quite a few pounds to be able to see your blue veins. I suggest looking constipated too. A nice baseball cap is a must and ALL of your gear needs to be purchased in the same block.
SUGGESTED SOUNDTRACK: "Bridge Over Troubled Water" by Simon and Garfunkel.