SUMMER TRENDS part ZWEI

Again, vandalized British Tabloids show us the trends of the summer.



The "Glenn from Lodi" look.
Time to get that cutesy little red jumpsuit, devil-lock and the motherfucking Crimson Ghost make-up. This look will require you to go to the gym and tone up. Speaking of tones, it won't hurt if you practice singing in a deep baritone voice. If you happen to be a man then buy a jock strap 3 sizes smaller than your goulies. NJ transit colour themed underwear also adds a lot of attitude. It's also quite important to sleep in a coffin if possible and remember to avoid Jerry Only for he will try to get some royalties off anything and I mean ANYTHING.

SUGGESTED SOUNTRACK: "Fire" by Bruce Springsteen




The "Poca-Hooker" look
A cute little outfit for the insensitive bimbo and/or douchebag, lacking any sort of historical concept, the Poca-Hooker reflects your inner light. The nice overall is sweat-shop free and the native American accessories should be authentic. The feather is not a must but if you decide to go for it then get a feather off a duster, don't go on trying to hurt any birds out there you piece of shit. And yes, the bush will not be trimmed for a few weeks.

SUGGESTED SOUNDTRACK: "Kings of the wild frontier" by Adam and the Ants



The "Goro" look
You can never go wrong with the Mortal Kombat classic look. Voted Hottest Gaming Hunk of 1993, the Goro look remains a classic above shitbirds like Johhny Cage or Rayden.
You will need a second set of arms, so if you only have 2, well id recommend getting some clay ones or even plastic ones. How? I don't know. The hair-style is quite important to acquire the image so remember to tighten it up in a chavette manner. The jumpsuit should have a cute IKEA comforter pattern. Now go on and tear off some limbs. Flawless Victory!

SUGGESTED SOUNTRACK: "Runway Train" by Soul Asylum



The "Adolfo Benito" look
A classical look the obtuse minded with a modern twist.Forget them Fred perries, bomber jackets and braces(suspenders). That shit is the past again. The black shirts and brown shirts too. A flower patterned jumpsuit combined with the ever classic Hitler Hair do and muzzy will bring the modern fascist a needed fresh touch. Time to throw away those Dr.Martens combat boots and bring in some red heels to add a touch of class to your future beer putsch. Next time you start talking shit about immigration and liberals at least you won't be scolded for your appearance.

SUGGESTED SOUNDTRACK: "Backstreet Kids" by Skrewdriver